I Don't Envy You Anymore.....

I can vividly recall shortly following the twins birth soaking in the tub and thinking to myself, "Who would want to take maternity leave?" Please, somebody let me go back to work and save me from this continuous torture!!!! Every morning as Steve would walk out the door and abandon me with two screaming newborn babies I wished I could trade places with him. New motherhood is overwhelming enough, coupled with no sleep, two babies, and the trials and tribulations of inexperience......it's a wonder we all survived!

When Steve would walk in the door at night I'd clamor to his side as the babies do now, hanging on to every word he had to say. Adult interaction, it was the highlight of my day!!!! He'd tell me about lunches, meetings, what was going on at the office and what did I have to talk about? My glamorous life consisted of a never changing (and seemingly never ending three hour "routine"), Pump, make bottles, feed the babies, change their diapers, put them back to sleep, start all over again in an hour. I was so physically and mentally exhausted I never thought beyond the immediate future. Looking back the first four to six months of their lives is a blur.

For me the turning point was when I stopped pumping. While there are many (the majority perhaps?) women who breast feed and pump without stress this was not the case for me. I had to lug the breast pump everywhere, plan accordingly for bottles if we were out, and I found it was very time consuming. I was constantly obsessed about my milk supply, rigid about pumping times, and VERY cranky. It is a wonder Steve put up with me!!!!!!

I think part of the problem was that I took my job too seriously. These tiny babies were the most precious, important things in my life and I was entrusted with the responsibility of making sure nothing happened to them. I was uptight about their routine, I rarely left the house, and aside from my in-laws and mother watching them a few times I left them with no one (Steve included). I didn't roll with the punches, if the babies couldn't take their naps when they were supposed to it was the end of the world. They had to eat on time, sleep on time, and every ailment that I thought they might have needed to be immediately inspected by the doctor. These were my children, this was my job, and I was going to do the best job I possibly could.

Last night a friend commented they could never be a stay at home mom. They would be too bored and had a drive to work and be doing things. I felt the hairs start to bristle on the back of my neck. I love my "job". There is nothing better in this world than watching the look of amazement as your child sits or crawls for the first time. My days are filled with story time at the zoo, play dates, the library, and swings and slides. I get to see the babies morning smiles, hear their joyful babbling, and cherish every snuggle and hug. As corny as it may sound, to me life can't possibly get much better than this. Years from now I know I'm going to look back on my years at home with the children and think of them as some of the happiest in my life.

So what has changed?
I've loosened up a lot, it was either that or go insane:)
I have an incredible support network of family, friends, the twins group, and who could forget BOB.
I sleep at night!
The coffee pot is one of my closest friends.
It's getting easier to keep the house relatively clean and food (I can't claim it as good tasting food) on the table.
The babies have personalities.
Changing diapers, making bottles, and getting everything and everyone loaded up to go somewhere isn't a big deal anymore.
I don't cringe at the sound of my precious darlings every cry.
I have Payton (he is by far the biggest helper I could ever imagine)!
We leave the house every day.
I appreciate what my husband does a lot more.

Now, every morning when Steve leaves for work, the three of us wave from from the top of the stairs. There isn't anywhere in the world I'd rather be. I think about how lucky I am to be able to stay home while Steve goes to work all day.